Memory Lane 21
And with this strip, I’m bringing my Memory Lane series of strips to a close.
When I started this story line, I had the intention of just touching on things really quick that had happened to me. But what happened was as I was remembering it all over again, I started looking more in depth at what was going on, and what was said. And what ended up happening has really just… wore me out. There’s a reason I had tried to forget all this, to try to block it all out. I realized that as I was making these, it was seriously starting to affect me in my personal life as well. I started becoming unhappy, so much so that my wife was noticing and was beginning to worry. I would spend my days and evenings at work just thinking about what I had gone through, remembering the pain and all the tears I’ve shed. And I hadn’t even written about everything that I was going to. Because I’ve been through much much MUCH more than this at the hands of my mother. But to keep going would drive me further into a depression, which is something I am desperately trying to avoid.
There’s a band my wife introduced me to when we first started dating, called New Found Glory. They’ve got a song called Tell Tale Heart, and there’s a line from it that goes, ”I’ve learned that time can heal your wounds, but the reminder of a scar will stay.” I really don’t know if I can agree any more. While some terrible things have happened to me, I’ve been able to use those things to shape me into the person that I want to be. Those constant reminders of what I’ve been through, help me stay on that path. I firmly believe in treating people the way you want to be treated. I do my best each and every single day to be positive and upbeat, and to be there for anyone who wants to talk. I’m sure I probably come across as happy-go-lucky quite often, sometimes obnoxiously so, but I really can’t help it. In the face of everything I’ve gone through, if I chose to be a negative person, then I’ve essentially let my mother win. And I refuse to let that ever happen.
I’m sure a lot of you are wondering about my current relationship with my mother. Well, there really isn’t a relationship between me and her at all anymore. The last time we tried to talk was through email about 6 years ago. She had found me through classmates.com after not speaking for about 5-6 years prior to that, and we had started talking a bit. Well, I decided that the only way I was ever going to be on okay terms with her again, would be if I confronted her with what she had done to me. She denied it all, and said I was making it up. If anything, she said that I was jealous of my brother, of all things. I don’t even understand that part. But anyway, me being the hot-headed 24-year-old that I was back then, I snapped and blew up on her when I wrote her back. With my face full of tears, angry that I had let her hurt me one last time, I wrote back the nastiest thing I’ve ever written. Among other things, I told her that I wished death upon her. To be specific, I said “I hope you die in a fire” to my own mother. And at that time, I meant it.
I regret ever saying that to her, despite what she put me through. Because I do not EVER want to be that kind of person. It disgusts me that I ever wished death upon anyone.
I’ve not had any contact with her since, and I don’t plan on ever having any contact with her again. As far as I know, she has no knowledge about this comic, much less that I have a son now. I do not wish for this to change, as I am happy this way: with her out of my life. Anyone who says different is full of it. I’ve no wish to ever make amends with her. I tried once, and it bit me in the ass.
Anyway, enough about my whole mess.
The biggest thing I wanted to do with this Memory Lane story line, was I really wanted to try to reach out and connect with other people who may have gone through the same thing. One of the biggest things I’ve always felt with all of this was that I could never totally relate to someone because of it. I always felt alone, isolated. The freakin’ weirdo in the bunch. I was always afraid that if I did say anything, that it would chalked up to “Oh well, that’s childhood for ya” and that it would seem like I was complaining about nothing. But the outpouring of support from everyone has been tremendous. I’ve talked to people who’ve suffered verbal, physical, mental, and sexual abuse at the hands of people who were supposed to protect them, and my heart goes out to all of you, and know that you have a friend in me. I finally feel that I’m able to deal with my past better than I’ve ever been able to in my entire life now. And I can’t thank you all enough for all the support you have given me. Just thank you all so much for everything said to me in email, over Facebook, and over Twitter. If it wasn’t for all of you, I would have definitely never kept this story line going for as long as I did. So thank you all so much for your understanding, patience, and support through this. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much <3
Well, I guess that about wraps up everything I wanted to say. Comments are now open again, so that’s pretty cool, yeah? :) I definitely want to hear from everyone and anyone who wants to share their story. I’m more than willing to listen, as you all have been so patient listening to me.
Also to everyone who has submitted question to my Ask Christopher page: I will get to them soon!! Some of you are so goofy with the questions, and I much appreciate the laughs delivered to me that way :D Soooo yep. And one more thing: I’ve got an announcement to make next week (hopefully on Monday) and I think it’s pretty awesome!!! See you guys back here next week!!
As always: Thank you all so much for reading <3
”Even nerves of steel deserve a breather, weight wears down the infrastructure. Hearts of gold can still feel lonely if they don’t know they’re not the only ones.” – Everybody That Loves You by Bomb the Music Industry